Let’s get real about the ex factor, honey!
We have all been there. Dated good guys that have ended in break ups and dated awful guys that have ended in break ups. And although we say a bittersweet ‘c’est la vie’ to the ones who we ended on good terms with, it is never easy, especially when dating the wrong person who brings you so much heartache and pain. This is extra hard to get over when it is finally over and since we are wired differently than men, the way we view certain events in our relationships and healing could be more of a struggle for us. But you are not alone! I was inspired to write this article by my personal, extreme heartaches that I have gone through (only with the awful ex’s, not the ‘good’ ex’s, so let me be clear!), as well as girl talk between my friends and I throughout our life experiences. I thought that by sharing some things I have gone through (as a strong woman who wasn’t sometimes in the best situations) could help you with gaining some clarity on your own, previous relationships. Sometimes we make mistakes in relationships and most of the time we don’t even realize anything is wrong…until we are out of it. With that, I am not going to be that friend who just tells you you are better off without him, but YOU ARE REALLY F*CKING BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM!
If someone ever made you feel this way below, you should be singing on rooftops and dancing through sunflower fields! You are better off without this awful ex! Throw on a red lip, give yourself a hug, and get out there! You dodged a bullet…or should I say a granade!
1. Your confidence went down. When someone can’t compliment you or make you feel special with the smallest of gestures, this is an insecurity flaw on HIS part. Anyone you date should pick you up mentally and emotionally and should always want to make you feel happy, loved, and beautiful, even when you’re in an argument. People can throw nasty words around like nothing and that that does something to your confidence in the relationship. Not only the relationship you have with yourself, but the relationship with your partner as well.
2. Rejection is God’s way of saying wrong direction. This is my favorite quote of all time and I apply it to my everyday life. If you ever felt any slight feelings of rejection by this person, he never deserved you in the first place. Repeat this quote and be okay with moving on with your life. Believe me, you will hear from him and when you do, you won’t want anything to do with him. And DON’T YOU DARE TEXT/CALL HIM BACK!
3. A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots. No matter how much you may have wanted to change some things about a person, people can’t change their characteristics. It is who they are inside and you need to accept that. If someone continually wanted to change you and couldn’t accept you for you, legit there is the door! Be glad you didn’t waste another minute and go for someone whose fantastic qualities outweigh the awful qualities. You CAN have it all! Just be patient.
4. They brought out the worst in you. Have you ever had that, “I am not this girl” moment, and realized that you woke up one day to be paranoid, unhappy, and “walking on eggshells”? I have and it was literally like an outer body experience for me since I am always happy and positive. Someone who loves you should, like I said, bring you UP, UP, UP; stronger, better, and confident in your relationship with him.
5. You forget how much you deserve. When people constantly hurt you and tear you down, you start to be harder on yourself and feel less than you are. This is the toughest part about a bad relationship because this is the “gateway feeling” for so much more that can go downhill from here. This can carry into new relationships once done with this bonehead and really hurt you mentally. This man had mommy issues. Good riddance, dude!
6. .You stopped listening to your gut. That little voice inside is there for a reason but you couldn’t listen to it anymore because of the emotional cloud this person has put over you in your relationship. He had so much control over your thought process that nothing seemed clear anymore. It’s was a sick game of cat and mouse with your emotions and he made you feel lost.
7. You lost a piece of who you are. Compromise in a relationship is key, but when it is so one-sided, you lose your whole being. Whether it be hobbies you liked to do that you no longer did or spending time with the friends you used to, this person had a lot of control of your life together.
8. You focused too much attention on them and not yourself. This man needed constant attention and love from you to cover up his own insecurities and selfishness. Because he required so much babying, you had no time for your own happiness or worrying about your life and the things that were going on around you, even the bad things that were happening right under your nose.
9. He brought in too much unnecessary drama. If someone created drama in your life where you were constantly arguing and defending your actions when you didn’t even do anything wrong, thank god you are out of this. He had a hard time apologizing and never thought he was wrong, which means you would have forever been giving him too much power in the relationship, to the point that it would feel like he controlled your opinions and feelings.
10. He wasn’t happy about your accomplishments and passions. Let me be very clear! If this man was not supportive of your independent fabulosity, drive for your work and passions, and help you better your career, be very happy your heart is where it’s at right now; without this awful ex.